Another fresh start

If you’ve visited before and noticed that there’s now a lack of posts, you’re not crazy. I have this habit (maybe it’s a bad one) to delete prior posts whenever I decide I want to start fresh with my site. The benefit to me is that I can write things without necessarily feeling like I have any baggage or that I already wrote something before. Though the downside is that it makes things feel a lot more desolate. I’ll try to keep the momentum this time so that I don’t wind up deleting anything later

It’s labor day weekend here and everyone I know seems to have something special planned. I’d like to say that it doesn’t bother me that I don’t, but that’s not entirely true. I do get a bit sad that I seem to be isolated, and that there’s a distance that’s formed between myself and my friends. A distance I want to do something about, but feel difficult to bring up. Especially when I currently don’t have any solutions of my own and my current situation doesn’t offer me a lot of options either.

One friend is married while the other is about to be married. The days in which I could live with one or easily spend the night at the others is past. Additionally I no longer have an apartment, and while I would love to invite both or even one of them to my parents place for a weekend, we unfortunately don’t have room for guests. I could do what I did in the past and get a hotel room somewhere for us to get together, but that leads into the next part of the problem

Figuring out what to do with them feels more difficult than it did in the past. It’s not that we don’t all still love a lot of the same things, but that getting together to go out to the bars doesn’t really work as the main event anymore. Before we would just sort of take it for granted we’d go out drinking and schedule other events to take up time around that. Now it’s not like we couldn’t go to the bars/drink, but somewhere I guess it got to a point where we relied on it too much and it feels overdone.

We could just get together for all the other stuff we usually do, but the issue is that none of those things work as a main event item. Things like watching anime or playing video games, are just too generic. If it was just a day together, that would be one thing, but since we live so far apart (well me especially) it requires something more concrete. It requires something more venturous.

I’m not the most venturous person however. Suffering from both anxiety and depression, it’s hard to proffer my own interests because it can be hard to muster interest at all. If someone else does it, I can, especially if it’s with my friends, but myself? Even when I do occasionally manage to speak up for something, I can give up on easily if I get the slightest inkling that someone isn’t completely onboard.

I would never come up with things like “Let’s go to the badlands” or “Lets go to UP Michigan” Those types of things never crossed my mind as somewhere I’d want to go. Hearing later that my friends would go together without me to those places, however, just hurt. Not that I necessarily hold negative feelings towards them for going without me, but if they had asked I would have said yes. Just because I want to spend more time with them.

I suggested several years ago we should all go to Japan someday, but it was always tentative because of one of my friends financial situation. Anywhere else I could think that really holds some interest for me are places that are far and cost considerable money (things like anime conventions). Money that I don’t think any of us can just put down.

In the interest of thinking about something else for a bit, let me switch topics. We’ll come back to this again another post, I’m sure.

I’ve been working a lot lately on redesigning my room here at home. Partly because it’s something I have control over and partly because I believe the more I optimize it, the better I feel being in it. That’s proven to be true when I replaced my desk and made a lot more space, and once I finish the next set of optimizations I feel like it’s going to be unlike any other environment I’ve ever been in.

I meant to take some pictures of it when I finished the previous stage, but I neglected it in favor of just waiting until it was done. Though I can go over a bit of what I’ve done thus far.

  1. I replaced my bulky desk with a thinner/longer L shaped desk that sits in the corner of my room
  2. I got new shelves for my tv entertainment center
  3. My 55 inch is now mounted on the wall for more space.
  4. I got rid of some bulky shit that wasn’t serving much of a purpose

I also just put here some stuff I plan to do

  1. I’m getting a lot more mounting hardware for various things. Going to try to utilize the wall space more
  2. I also got a bunch of wall shelves from Ikea I plan to hang on the walls. Currently still working out the best way to hang them to the wall

Once I’m able to get that setup and some stuff organized, I should have it like I’m envisioning it to be. Hoping to be done by the end of September.

I think that’s good for the first post. I spent a good couple hours on both this and the about page (which has some more if you’re hungry for content) I’ll try to update with something every Friday if I can (or every other if I can’t) Keep posted

Leave a Comment