I am still working on the site’s layout somewhat. It’s not an every day kind of thing at the moment, but more of a when I feel like it kind of thing. Thus you might see me finish it tomorrow, or you might see it a month from now. Hard to say.

Not that I really think many, if any, are really following that. The real reason I write about these things is more for my benefit. It makes me feel like I’m doing something and it makes it feel important by making it seem like I’m doing it for someone other than myself. Even if doing it for oneself should be all one needs.

Attack on Titan post is in limbo. I did finish the series and I did like it overall. I feel conflicted, however, about the style of post I want to write about it. Part of me wants to write out something you’d see a professional reviewer try to do. The kind of thing you’d see in those 1h+ video essays on YT. Whereas the other part of me just wants to dump a bunch of my chaotic thoughts and call it a day.

It’s a common struggle I face with making posts on here. Nine times out of ten I end up not posting, and the one out of ten times I do, it feels more like a Frankenstein fusion between the two. That is I’ll start out posts intending to do something deep, because I do ultimately care about what I’m posting, but then I’ll end up feeling frustrated part way through and make the decision to dump the rest of my thoughts and pull out.

I think a lot about what I’m writing these posts for in the first place. Do I want to be a media reviewer? No, I don’t think so. I think what I want is to convey my feelings for pieces of media in a way that people can easily digest and understand. Without feeling like I’m being too basic.

That’s I guess my biggest worry. If I write something on here and I don’t write the most persuasive in-depth paragraphs, are people going to assume I’m someone that turns their brain off whenever they consume media? Are they going to accept my opinions on things as legit opinions?

It’s the wrong way to approach it, I know. Worrying about other people is a sure-fire way for failure. You can’t know what people think and you can’t control it either. I shouldn’t pay heed and press on. Fuck it, let’s move on.

It’s almost Christmas, meaning it wasn’t Christmas I spent a bunch of money on myself. Shouldn’t have, and I probably shouldn’t use Christmas as an excuse, although that’s part of how I rationalized it at the time. Need to get away from social media where I’m constantly seeing things that look cute that I want. Like an Aegis plushie that I saw but instantly noped out of when I saw it was rare and going for 200 bucks..

What did I buy? I bought a Xenoblade 2 shirt the other day that was feature on the Yetee, but along with that I saw another shirt of Roll from Mega Man and this nice Mega Man travel bag thing. I actually needed a travel bag for my wallet, phone, etc, and I’d been checking Amazon a few times over the past few months. So I’m not too upset at these, even if I already have way too many t-shirts.

I bought two Attack on Titan Nendoroids. Annie and Sasha. Bit of a spoiler for the Attack on Titan post, but they were my favorite characters. I probably wouldn’t have gone through with it if I had to pay the 100+ each for them that many secondhand places like eBay were charging, but I unfortunately managed to find a legit retailer that was selling them for cheaper and FOMO kicked in hard.

Speaking of Nendoroids, I did preorder a couple of upcoming releases. Thankfully as a preorder it fits within my budget a lot nicer than something I have to pay up front for. Specifically I preordered Nendos of Sakura (card captor Sakura), Shiori (Tokimeki Memorial), Noriko (Gunbuster), and Ruri (Martian Successor Nadesico) and I do have the option of cancelling them later. Though I don’t imagine I will unless things get especially dire.

Actually speaking of Ruri, I ended up buying her Pop-up parade figure. Initially, I had it preordered from Rightstuf, but it was looking questionable about whether they were going to get it anytime soon. The release date on the preorder was for March or April 2024, but it was already released in Japan. I ended up finding someone in the US who was selling her new from Japan for less on eBay of all places, and I made the executive decision to cancel that part of my old RS order and buy that. Saving a total of 5 bucks and time saved.

Oddly enough, after cancelling Ruri from Rightstuf, I ended up getting charged for another figure I preordered in the same order. This time it was a Maya (Ace Attorney) Nendoroid they said wasn’t coming until next year.. Kind of sucked to be charged out of the blue like that for it, but it was already something I had planned for at least

Back to purchases. I saw a Twitter post of the Xenoblade II OST being on sale for like 13% off yesterday. For those unaware, I’ve actually been really getting into OST collecting ever since I bought a 5 CD stereo a couple years ago and installed it into my room during my various room renovations this year. Given how I had been on a Xenoblade kick with the shirt I just bought, I pounced on it and the OST of the other two games.

That probably was at the point where I overdid it a bit. I also forgot to mention it, but I had also made a knee-jerk manga sale purchase a few days ago too. I bought 6 omnibuses of the Oh My Goddess manga because I have a fondness for the Oh My Goddess anime (even though I can’t remember it) and it seemed like a harder to come across series (people were wondering about reprints earlier this year) I did try to cancel it but unfortunately they had already shipped it. They said I could get an RMA request to return it, but maybe I’ll just live with it.

One thing I should note here, is while spending money is definitely an issue, the bigger thing I’m concerned with is the impulse control. I am on top of my financial stuff, and I am working off debt. Not as expediently as I could if I didn’t get any of this stuff, but I’ve made improvements. I’m also hoping to talk to my therapist sometime soon about this.

Ah yeah, I don’t know if I mentioned that before, but I have been seeing someone recently. I’ve had about 2 sessions with them now, and while it’s too early to say whether I think they’re a keeper, I am not discouraged in regards to the way things have been heading. Hopefully they can give me a rational voice to build myself up to be a stronger and much more content individual.

I might be making some big changes next year. There’s some stuff still up in the air about some programs I’m applying for. More specifically it’s finding out if I apply for anything that certain venues offer. I can’t really go much into it because I don’t actually know a whole lot about it. It’s been kind of a clusterfuck just doing a lot of the initial work for it (part of the reason I’m actually going to therapy now too)

Fuck it, this is already turning into my end of the year post. Let’s talk about next year

I was going to write up a media post talking about all the media I plan to consume next year, but since we’re rambling now, that’ll probably get rolled up into this. Before that, let’s do the resolutions

More Japanese more the time – This one is a no brainer. Although, I will point out that I have been making good on this toward the end of this year. I’ve been using one of the Wanikani extensions to practice all the kanji that they teach, and I am regularly drilling them so that I can flawlessly remember the meanings and readings of 2070 (ish) kanji.

While that alone doesn’t make one fluent in Japanese, I’ve noticed that after a few days of spending a couple of hours doing that that I’ve started being able to switch over my brain into Japanese easier. Particularly whenever I see Japanese V-tubers on Twitter, and I can actually start reading their Tweets almost as if they were English (Though not quite as smooth as that)

Going to learn to draw anime – This is something I decided more recently, but I saw a video on YT of Pewdiepie learning to draw anime that inspired me to give it a shot. More accurately I saw a video of an artist reacting to a video about Pewdiepie learning to draw. Watching both Pewdiepie’s progress and the artist commenting on it gave me this strong desire to want to do it myself.

I should be clear that I’ve always had a desire to draw anime. I actually used to want to be an artist when I was real little. However I got discouraged early on from doing art, and when it came to drawing anime some of my early attempts brought up those memories and general feelings that I might not be able to become good at it.

But I’m trying to kick that thinking to the curb. It shouldn’t be impossible for me to learn to draw anime. Maybe I wont be a pro, but if I could sketch some cute girls here and there, I feel like I’d be a lot happier.

Going to learn programming – I have a video course on Python I bought a couple years ago. I did part of it, but I never went the whole way through it. I’ve always wanted to though to get a better sense of whether I’d be interested in software development.

Right now it’s on a lower priority as I’m working on other stuff, but if other stuff is going in a positive direction, I could see myself tackling this again. Partly because I’d like to make a game with it.

There’s a few other things I could add to the list, but let’s keep it focused. If I can manage to do one to a satisfactory level, we’ll consider it a success.

Let me go over media

Games wise I only have three games I’m really looking at next year: Like A Dragon Infinite Wealth, FF7 Rebirth, and Eiyuden Chronicles.

I’ll most likely play all three upon release. The one I’m most excited for being Rebirth followed by Like A Dragon, followed by Eiyuden. If you’re wondering why Eiyuden is so low despite Suikoden meaning so much to me, it’s because I’m going into it with the least amount of expectations after seeing the least amount of stuff (I’m also factoring in that it’s a Kickstarter game) That’s by choice because of how much I’d have riding on it otherwise.

Apart from those 3 games, I don’t really have anything else earmarked. Persona 3 remake would be cool, but it honestly doesn’t strike me as anything beyond a better looking Persona 3. There’s also that Metaphor games which looks good but we’ll see

For things I might play, I do have a bunch of stuff earmarked as potential replays. I’d like to replay FF7 Remake before Rebirth if I have the time. I’d also like to do the entire Suikoden series (minus 4 and spinoffs) in Japanese but I’m also waiting for the remaster of one and two (Something I’ll probably play but I don’t have specific plans for) I’d also like to replay a PSX RPG in Japanese (either Xenogears or Wild Arms) I might also replay Xenosaga

Oh yeah speaking of Xeno, I’ll be replaying Xenoblade 2 and 3 so I can play their respective DLCs (Torna and Future Redeemed)

There’s a few things I’m currently playing like CCC and Baldurs Gate III that I’m sure will spill into 2024

Let’s see apart from games… My plans for media are a bit looser. I hope to read at least 5-6 visual novels in Japanese though I don’t have specific titles in mind. I would also like to read some more VNs in general, but whether I get the time… Who knows.

Uhh what else is there.. BOOKS. I started reading the Monogatari series this year, and I’ll be done with Bakemonogatari (the first couple books) soon. Since I’ve bought all the books in past irresponsible purchases, I’m hoping to read the entire thing sooner rather than later.

I think that about covers it all. There might be some other things I’m forgetting, but I’m trying to wrap things up so as not to spend anymore that the two hours (or so) I’ve been plugging away at this. I’m already starting to get distracted by other shit and it’s affecting my ability to really think about what to write here.

So we’ll leave off here for right now. Maybe I’ll finish that Attack on Titan post before the year is out. If not, I’ll see you all next year