Maybe you’re a friend, a mutual follower, or just someone who stumbled across my hopefully defunct social media profiles. In any event, welcome. Here you can keep up with what I’m up to if you’re interested or find other means to contact me if you ever want to get to know each other better. This is basically the bare minimum I felt I had to do before I could start to feel comfortable with the idea.

To understand why, you have to know why I used social media in the first place. It wasn’t because I secretly wanted to be idolized or out of lack of other stuff to do. It was out of an old desire I had to meet people online. A desire that stretches back as far as the late 90s when I was an awkward emotional teenager.

You see, I grew up and live in a very rural part of a rural state (Wisconsin). While it’s certainly nice for my anxiety to live away from a lot of people, it sucked for trying to find true connections. Especially when my interests didn’t line up with the typical person. While people have increasingly become more open to things like anime and computers now, back then it felt absolutely nonexistent (It still feels that way today from time to time, but that’s more from me not getting out much)

I relied on the internet for much of my teenage years to form relationships. It started with IRC chatrooms and evolved into Final Fantasy web forums. By the time social media rolled around, I wasn’t as much of a teen anymore and had gained friends. College also gave me many avenues in which I pursued and obtained many relationships (Some of which exist to this day)

However, college only lasts for so long. Eventually I found myself back in this place where it’s a 20 minute drive to get to the local city, but there’s nothing there you care for. While I don’t plan to be here forever, hopefully, the opportunities to get out right now are not great. It’s not so bad, but it is incredibly lonely.

The internet, I believe, once had the potential of bringing people together. I still believed this even in the early days of social media, although I felt like the focus shifted too much from quality to quantity. Though as time went on, I realized what I wanted and what it provided were getting farther and farther apart.

All the rage-baiting, the AI slop, the bots.. It’s now reached a point where my addiction to it takes more dopamine than it gives. I thought for a while that maybe I could suffer through it, wade through the bullshit, and maybe find someone… But the more years that go by, the more I realize that’s not very likely. It’s only really making my life worse.

That’s not to say I didn’t find good people, but despite any desires I might have to be a bigger part of their lives, social media never gave a good way of doing that. Even if someone followed you back, while exciting, often didn’t lead to many one on one conversations. Maybe occasionally they would comment and you could have a bit of a rap with them, but there weren’t really the chances to take things beyond that. Most people already had their own lives and friend groups, and things like social media were meant for more superficial things.

I’m not trying to talk shit about anyone, honest. I just came to feel like social media, instead of giving me a tool that could help bridge the distance to forming relationships, only really gives you a few surface level connections. And that is the only thing a lot of people seem to be looking for. It provides a means of validating yourself.

It should be obvious, even if you don’t necessarily full agree with my assessments, that feeling this way is more than enough reason to want to quit. Yet, even I have had my doubts, which is why, despite trying many times, I’ve always come back. However, there’s only so many times where you can come back before you have to realize there’s nothing changing.

Maybe there was a different way I could of approached social media that could have gotten me what I want. I wont deny the possibility. I will say that it’s impossible to find out what that is continuing on as I have been. Thus I’m giving it up in hopes it can help me with my productivity and happiness. I’m also giving it up in hopes it forces me to explore other avenues to hopefully meet people.

If you read this far and are inclined to get in touch with me, I still use Discord (maegamisama) That most likely will not change. I should also note that not all social media is affected, but that I am putting restrictions on most.

More specifically, I wont be visiting Blusky or Twitter again. Blusky is a great place, people-wise, but still operates on some of the bad features or Twitter. Twitter is not a good place at all and I hope Elon Musk loses it all one day (maybe I’m a bit spiteful) Basically I’ll be avoiding anywhere that’s about posting to the void that’s not this blog

Reddit I’ll still allow when it comes to looking up information because sometimes that where a lot of my solutions to questions come from. I might also look to keep up with visual novel news (until I can figure out a better way of keeping up to date with things)

Youtube will be music and occasionally watching streamers I like. No more Youtube shorts. While they’re not social media like Twitter, they’re definitely more dangerous to productivity.

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In short, this is where I will be from now on. If anyone happens to stumble across me or you knew me from any of those places I left, please feel free to reach out with the resources I provide here. I’d still love to get to know you and potentially be friends 🙂

Last time I updated was about half a year ago? I know I wrote up a huge thing about turning 40 and in it I seemingly made the decision to work towards going to Japan. However, there’s been a few snags in that idea since then. The primary one being I don’t want to leave my cat alone for that long of a time. Something that probably seems crazy to some people, but meh, I’ll still probably go to Japan soon, providing global shit doesn’t hit the fan, but it will be for a much shorter period (a month or whatever the maximum is for visiting)

I’m still intending to focus on Japanese. It’s very much a life goal at this point. This year I’ve made a semi-resolution to consume 10 substantial things in Japanese. I was mostly thinking of visual novels for this, but novels, light novels, and games would also do. Possibly anime and manga too depending, but I want it to be something bulky enough that I feel it’s something notable.

Right now I’m in the midst of a couple VNs in Japanese, although I’m not 100% sure whether I’m going to count them or not. I technically started reading them both last year (and not just like in December either, some I started halfway through 2025) Though if I say they don’t count, then it makes me more inclined to drop them and start something new. I guess maybe I can judge them based on how much I have left and give them percentage credit? That’s probably the best course of action

I’ve also been half considering adding learning to code into my new years resolutions again. I say again because I’ve attempted to do so a couple times, and while I do have some skill with it, staying consistent is not one of my strong points. Not to mention that it’s easy to get frustrated when you spend so much time on something and still feel no closer than you were before (I struggle with that a lot with Japanese even)

The big reason I’m considering coding though is I’ve yet again developed the itch to make a game. Not just something you can simply put together in an engine like RPG-Maker, but a game with mechanics that would require something a bit more capable. Though whether that holds up is another matter. Not to mention there’s a lot of other skill sets needed for a game which kind of makes things uncertain. In any event don’t expect anything out of this.

By far my biggest resolution is probably to give up social media. I’m going to make a separate post about this, because I’m going to link it on my various social media profiles before logging out forever, but the general plan is to quit before the week is over. It will mostly be a Twitter/Blusky thing with some restrictions on Reddit and Youtube. It’s nothing I haven’t attempted before, but I do feel I have a firmer resolve to actually stick with it.

This year I plan to also start de-cluttering by getting rid of some of my possessions, and to stop acquiring as much stuff as I had previous years. I still expect that I’ll buy unnecessary plushies and still have quite a collection. However, I hope to have things feeling a bit more curated. Not to mention that keeping off social media should stop the temptation from acquiring most stuff.

I guess for other things I’d like to mention, there’s media I plan to engage with this year.

Starting with games, I’ve got a few different goals.

FFXI

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For FFXI, which I started up again a year ago and subsequently quit a few times, I will continue to play. I accomplished quite a bit in the past month, and I feel like I’ve finally gotten my character to a point where I feel like I can play more casually (ie: I don’t feel like I need to be on all the time to try to catch up with anyone. I feel like I can just progress at more casual rate)

I’ve decided to focus mostly on the jobs of COR, WAR, BRD, and GEO right now. I’m not permanently retiring MNK, THF, SAM, or BLU, but given these jobs seem the most desirable/useful, they’re what i’m going to focus on. I have decided to retire SCH though because I don’t think I have the inventory to manage it and I’m reluctant to invest in more wardrobes for it (Not to mention the main reason I was doing it was because I wanted to solo the CoD htmb which I’ve already gotten everything from)

I’d like to do Odyssey and Omen more as that’s where most of the stuff I want comes from now. Ideally I’d like to find an odyssey climb/unlock group, but the one that started on my LS seems to have fizzled out before it even got going. Omen would be nice to find a group too

Specifically the things I want/need:

Odyssey

• Mpaca gear (Arebati clear required) – primarily for my mnk
• Gleti’s gear (Ngai clear required) – knife for my cor (maybe) rest for my thief?
• Ikenga gear (Bztavian clear required) – gear for my cor (Although I think my current stuff might be better than most of it, I’d have to double check)
• Bumba RP for Nyame – probably the thing that would give me the most use, but also the thing I’m furthest away from
• RP for other gear..

Basically Odyssey is the one place I have the most work to be done, but also the one place I have the least idea of how to tackle it

Omen

• Nusku Shield (Glassy Craver) – I did promise to help a LS mate with this, but I also find myself wanting one. More specifically for the range set I’ve been trying to build to be more useful in Sortie.
• Dingir Ring (Gin) – For my leaden salute set. Apparently better than archon ring (which i’ve been unsuccessful at getting from the arch dyna lord)
• Niqmaddu Ring (Fu) – DD ring for WAR and MNK primarily (though it might also see use on SAM if I work on it)
• Regal Necklace (Ou)– Biggest priority of Ou drops I want.
• Regal ring (Ou) – Probably the next Ou drop priority for me.
• Regal earring (Ou) – I think around the same priority as Regal Ring. Though honestly I’d be lucky to get anything of these three anytime soon
• BRD job cards – I need some job cards to fully upgrade my AF set to plus 3.
• WAR job cards – Same as above

Misc goals

• RP Rostram – I feel like my COR would be so much better with it
• Get master level 30 on BLU – Mostly doing this for some strats I saw for getting other items I need
• Gere Ring – Odin htmb drop for MNK/THF
• Freke Ring- Not a huge priority but it’d be nice for Geo (again Odin htmb)
• Cor Empy +3 – Working on a full set of plus +3 empy for cor first from sortie
• Geo Empy +2 – Admittedly probably more impactful than my +3 for Cor, but I don’t feel like doing much with Geo until Idris
• Idris – Speaking of, I’m one coalition away from being able to do this. It should happen SOON ™ Once it does, I’ll be more gungho about going after stuff GEO needs
• Warrior Relic unlocks – Need to get my warrior some Dyna W1 clears. Though I’m hesitant to do so until I’ve at least finished RPing Rostram
• Win Mog Bonanza –Yeah like that will ever happen

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JRPGs (and adjacent)

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Trails from Zero – I started this last year, and while I enjoy it it’s not really what I’d consider a game that I’m super motivated to find out what happens next. The way I’d describe it is more like a comfy anime. I just enjoy watching the characters interact for a bit and then I’m usually good for a while. A little disappointing when I know how much others consider it peak story, but maybe I just haven’t gotten to the real hook yet (Then again trails in the sky was similar feeling for me)

Xenoblade X- Technically a replay, but despite buying on Switch I haven’t touched it. At first I had been waiting for the Switch 2, and then I was waiting to see if there’d be an upgrade to it or the other Xenoblades (if so I was really ready to commit to a xeno replay) However since neither of those happened, I kind of shelved it.

Unicorn Overlord – I’ve been interested in this, and I actually got the game on sale around Christmas time. Though my main issue is that last time I tried it (before I owned it) I didn’t really care as much for the strategy RPG elements (I’m actually not a huge SRPG gamer apart from a few series)

Looking it up, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of info about JRPGs coming out this year. Though I see there’s a Utawarerumono game coming out that’s supposed to be a sequel to Monochrome Mobius, so I guess I’d also probably like to play that. There’s also the DQ7 remake, but whether I play that is up in the air (Though I would like to make some headway into a Dragon Quest game this year, maybe I’ll finally do the DQ3 remake)

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Other games

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Resident Evil Series – I was never very interested in Resident Evil until I played through the remake of 4. I know the other games are quite different, but it got me interested enough in its universe. I was also looking to potentially play 9, which has jumped up in priority due to the reveal that Leon would be playable again. I’d like to at least do all the numbered games before I commit to it though.

Pirate Yakuza – I like Majima and I got the game when it came out, but I didn’t really feel in the mood for it I guess. Despite that, I hear it was pretty good, and I’m anxious to sort of get back to the Yakuza world a bit. Not particularly as excited for Yakuza 3 remake. The one actors past misconduct aside, I always found 3 and 4 of the series to be the weakest to me. I’m really holding out for whatever they put Ichiban in next

Dispatch – I did buy this after hearing a lot of hype. Still haven’t sat down with it. I might play it on Steam deck before I go to bed soon.

anemoi – This is a visual novel, but I’m counting it. It’s a big one that I’m looking forward to. I’ve always loved the visual novel developer Key’s titles. Summer Pockets, their last big one, became a huge part of my life. While I’m trying hard not to have the same expectations of this game, it’s hard not to have a moderate level of hype for this

Slay the spire – I’ve been getting back into Slay the Spire again on my tablet. Though I guess the second game is also supposed to come out this year? I might migrate to that if it seems interesting enough and I’m still on the kick

GTA6 – I guess? I really like the game genre of games like Grand Theft Auto and Saints Row. Games where you commit crimes but there’s also an element of humor/ridiculousness to it. Though the ridiculousness has kind of been lacking in more recent GTA in favor of more realism and bigger budget. Which I’m not a huge supporter of at all, but regardless I’ll probably still be tempted to check it out as there’s not much being released in this genre anymore it feels like (I guess because no one wants to compete with GTA)

Looking at a list of upcoming games, the only thing that stood out to me as a modicum of interest was the Fatal Frame II remake. I probably missed some, but I wont know until they come out.

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Potential replays

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This is the section where I talk about games that I might potentially replay

Grandia and Grandia II – Technically I never finished Grandia. I don’t think I even got past the half-way point. I put it in this section however because when I thought about trying it again (from the start) I also immediately wanted to replay Grandia II (A game I did beat and loved immensely, though that was back when I was a teen) I think it’d be great to do both, and maybe even try the other ones out

Lunar 1 and 2 – The remaster came out and I bought it. I just need to sit down with it. Which I hope to do soon

Breath of Fire II III and IV – I’ve wanted to replay these games for a while, but I’ve been holding off on the chance Capcom ever came to their senses and released a collection. While I still have faith they might do this eventually (especially given their track record lately), I don’t know if it’s really worth waiting for anymore. Especially as it’s hard to imagine them doing much to improve them

Star Ocean 3 – It’s a game I don’t exactly remember a lot about aside from not liking the twist at the end. I always hear people fondly talk about it as one of the “good” Star Ocean’s though and that’s made me want to revisit it. I’d also like to give it a try with the undub, but I’ve been having issues with getting thatt working on my Odin 2 portal. So it might not be something that comes about before the others.

Xenosaga 1-3 – I hesitate to list this because despite wanting to, it’s a very ambitious undertaking. Can’t really guarantee that I wont drop it and just go and replay Xenogears for the dozenth time.

Xenoblade 2-3 – Same as above, although I have more desire to revisit these. Not so much the first game, which I find to be okay but generally overrated (That will got some people salty I’m sure) I had been hoping for a Nintendo Switch 2 upgrade but I don’t know now. If they do happen though, I’m sure it’ll boost the priority of replaying these

Suikoden V – I don’t know if I will, but there’s a pretty good chance I might replay Suikoden V. It’s kind of up there with replaying Xenogears. Just something I can find myself doing at any point.

Of course replaying things often comes with a mood, and there might be something I suddenly start up instead.

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Other media

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When it comes to other media, there’s a lot of stuff on the backlog. Although I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling. I’d really love to get some more anime, tokusatsu, manga, etc done, but if you asked me which I’m excited to dive into, it’d be hard to name one. Not because I’m not interested in anything, but more because there’s nothing really grabbing me over the others, and listing them all would be exhausting

I guess I’d like to get back into reading the Monogatari books again. Finish that series so I can form an opinion about it. Maybe catch the anime adaptations if I think I like it that much. I’d also kind of like to read the Hinamatsuri, Fruits Basket, and Claymore manga since I own the complete series of all three and probably shouldn’t let them sit collecting dust anymore.

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I’ve got plenty to keep me occupied regardless. Anything notable I complete will be posted about on here (I also intend to post here regularly when my social media exile starts in earnest) Not going to tell anyone they should check regularly, but if you like to know what I’m up to, you might want to start checking regularly 🙂

Hopefully this year some other things happen too. I’d like to meet some new people and start working towards some kind of life outside of just keeping myself alive and not bored/depressed. Though with the way things have been going politically and with AI, I’m not super hopeful at this juncture

Whoops, I had meant to do a blog post on my birthday, the 14th, but I guess I just wasn’t feeling it. I had part of a long post half typed up, but what I wanted to write has changed enough over these past couple days that I figured it would be better to rewrite it rather than revise. Hopefully I can actually get it posted this time.

I’m old. Honestly, I’ve been old ever since I turned 30. People like to pretend that with better health and longer lifespans that 30 is still young (Particularly the people around you who will say “You’re still young” at any insistence of being old) but 30 years is a lot of time. 40 is just 30 part 2 in my eyes. Maybe that will change, but I’m doubtful.

40 doesn’t bother me as much as 30 did though. When I turned 30, I saw getting old in a somewhat narrow minded way.

“You’re closer to death” “It’s going to be harder to find a relationship” “It’s going to be harder to get your life off the ground” While those might all be true to an extent, it’s something we can’t predict or accurately measure. There’s no blueprint to life that says if you follow or don’t follow it, it will affect whether you can be happy.

That’s the big thing I’ve learned in my late 30s. Nothing is guaranteed. At first it can be a bit unsettling, and might make you feel insecure. However, when you really think about it, it also opens up a ton of possibilities. You’re no longer locked into this idea that there’s a better path than others and you don’t have to spend as much time being cautious of something because you might be worried it’s a bad choice.

Rather, the way to think is that even if you do make a bad decision or fail at times, it’s not the end until you’re dead. You can do something else. It’s not going to be easy, nothing ever is, but if you’re willing to look at things with the right mindset, I believe a person can continue to move forward.

For anyone that’s struggling right now reading this, I’d recommend two books that really helped me. The first being “Everything is Fucked” by Mark Manson and the second is “The Courage to be Disliked” by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. Hell, even if you’re not particularly struggling, they will both help to work past a lot of this anxiety we burden ourselves with for no reason.

Anyway, age doesn’t mean much. I wouldn’t say it’s just a number, but it’s a number that doesn’t mean much on it’s own. It only tells how long you lived. Not how you lived or what level of maturity you’re at. The fact you survived might have been more revered in the distant past, but long gone are the days where that survival can be correlated to wisdom (in my view at least)

Incidentally maturity is gained solely by thinking less of oneself and more about others. Age is a vessel that gives you the capacity for that maturity, but if you never fill it you will never be more than a child. Which is what I’d call most American republicans. Children who think only of themselves or people who benefit them and not of the world they have to share.

Anywho, I’m not intending to get preachy with this post. It’s not my intention to write an essay about other people. It’s meant for me to talk about myself. A bit self-indulgent, maybe, but I don’t think that’s something you always need to give up.

I want to talk a bit now about my plans going forward.

Right now, there are no specific plans in motion. I struggled with a couple ideas, but like I mentioned in the intro, none of them have a guarantee, which made it hard to choose one up until now. However, I’ve decided that I’m most likely going to just go with the one that shakes up my life the most. Mostly because I think it will be the one to ultimately provide the most benefit towards helping me figure out what I want in life.

I decided I want to go to Japan to learn Japanese. I came to this choice partly because my own self study has been lacking too much and I feel like I need something to really push me. I also chose it because it would put me in a new environment that I would need to learn to adapt to rather than potentially playing it safe in smaller ponds (places like where my friends live or things close to my parents)

It’s still something very much in the preliminary stages. I need to do a bit more research into where the best places are to apply to and the process I need to go through. I did read at one place that the way semesters worked, the next time I could apply for one would probably be in October and that would be for the spring semester. If that’s true, I still have some time yet to put things in order.

Even if it’s not the case, I don’t plan to do this right away, but I do hope to do it soon. This can always change based on what’s going on in my life. Like I have a endoscopy/colonoscopy coming up and if they found something serious, I might have to delay or rethink those plans a bit. Similarly if I find that I’m making good enough progress on my Japanese on my own, I might end up deciding that I don’t really need to. It’s impossible to say right now.

The only thing I can do is move forward a step at a time and see where things carry me. That’s just the general direction I’m pointed in. I’ll keep people updated on what happens.

Before that happens though, I have more immediate things I have to do.

Namely I need to stop spending so much time online and spending money on things I don’t need. The root of both problems being addicted to social media. While thankfully not as bad as it used to be with me (thanks in part to Twitter turning into a fascist shithole) I still spend too much time on places like Youtube and Blusky.

Youtube, I’m making it a point to enable the distraction free plugin I have that eliminates the recommended feed and comments on videos. I’m also preparing a lot of music (either by buying cds or getting videos converted into mp3s) so that I can listen to it without having to load up Youtube for it (just to keep the temptation of searching anything else)

I’d go for a complete ban, and to be honest it might be the more effective way, but there’s things I can’t give up. Things like Taskmaster episodes, vtubers and people playing games I like, guides for games I’m playing, streams of game events (like Summer games fest coming up), and Japanese immersion/guides. T

I’m working right now on coming up with a system that regulates my usage. Maybe I’ll allocate a specific amount of time or have a certain time of the day where I’m only allowed to do that. I’m not sure yet, but I’m going to hammer something out this week

Same with Blusky. It’s not nearly as much of a problem as my checking Twitter was, but I’m thinking of limiting my usage of it to certain times throughout the day. Maybe like once when I wake up, once around mid day and once in bed? Rather than the back and forth checking I do while doing other things.

Also in addition, I’m thinking of not following accounts like Wario 64 that alert me to sales of certain things. While I do have some trepidation of missing out on things I would like, I imagine most of that stuff are things that I probably shouldn’t be buying. I should try to focus purely on the things I either think of organically or find myself out in the wild

Again, I’ll have a more specific plan detailed out later. This is mostly just things being thought off the cuff. Once I have something set, I plan to put up barriers to make sure I don’t step over the rules I set for myself.

I’ve got a few more things to talk about, but I’m already finding myself getting distracted. I think what I will do is post this up now and maybe make another post later on that covers those things. That way I can get this out there and essentially move on instead of potentially having to rewrite the whole thing again