Finances this month are making me a bit tenser than usual. I haven’t bought myself much of anything this month apart from food, but July just happened to be when a lot of sizeable payments became due. The next couple months look good for paying down more debt and building up some of my savings again. Maybe I can go back to selling some stuff if need be, but I really would like to avoid that as it stresses me out a little too much.
My replay of Trails in the Sky FC has been going well. I actually find myself enjoying it. Not sure what made me not enjoy it my first time through, but I guess I just wasn’t in the mood for it back when I originally played it. That or maybe I put too high of expectations on it? I don’t know.
Going to try to work out a bit more over the next week. Hoping it might help with some of the pains and feeling cold.
Sorry, I don’t have much to say today. I’m not in a very great mood. Not going to try to force myself to write if I’m not feeling it.
I saw a neurologist today for the pain I’ve been having in my hands and feet (neuropathy). The appointment was pretty chill. He didn’t seem to think there was anything awry, but we’re going to schedule a electrode test in the future to make sure. If it’s anything like scheduling this appointment, I imagine it wont be for half a year, which means I’ll have to probably wait for my answers (or lack thereof) for a little longer.
It’s hard to feel a specific way about it. On the one hand, he seems to think it’s nothing which means I’m just going to have to live with these unsettling and life disrupting pains. On the other, he’s at least doing more for it than my primary care. It’s also always possible they find something in the later appointment. I guess I’ll just have to shelve the emotion for now and wait.
The neurologist mentioned that the best thing I can do for my body, from studies, is to make a routine and stick to it. I don’t disagree with it, and in fact, it’s what I was starting to do for a bit there. Until I let myself get sidetracked by the usual suspects (social media, depression, loneliness, etc) I’ve decided I need to get back on that.
I don’t have anything concrete right now, but I’m going to take the rest of this week to hammer out a stricter schedule. Maybe something that incorporates the good ol Pomodoro method (where you focus on something for 20 minutes and then take 5 minute break) I’ll update everyone on here with what I adopt next post.
What else.. Politics are kind of ehhhhhhhh. I’m not very happy, but all I’m capable of doing is voting in November. Thus I’m trying not to worry about everything else. I just hope democrats get some of their shit together..
In more positive news:
I finished the Japanese live action drama/comedy Brush up Life. It’s about a reincarnation story about a woman who dies and through a limited process gets to relive her life to increase her karma. If you’ve ever been the type of person to fantasize about how different your life could be, like I have, I think you’d probably enjoy it. Even if you haven’t, I think if you like a series with great character writing, you’ll have a good time.
My only real criticism comes with the last couple of episodes. They’re good, but not as good as the ones leading up to it.
I’ve been playing the VN Together We Live in Japanese (I have to specify this because it is available in English) Having read the author’s (who goes by “R”) previous work Sasasagu (saiaku ningen something something, I forget) and enjoying it, it was a no brainer (Plus it being only $5 on the recent steam sale helped)
The premise/set-up reminds me a lot of Sasasagu. That is, in Sasasagu you had a boy and girl character and they were largely the only characters (note: There’s other people in Sasasagu, but the boy can only see and hear the girl) In this game apparently the human race has gone extinct except for this boy and a girl who’s been charged by god to endure humanity’s punishment for killing everything.
I wont say much beyond that as it’s apparently a pretty short game (explains why it’s only 5 dollars) That’s fine with me though as I’ve already got like 3 other visual novels I’ve started and still need to get back to (Kanon, Sakura Moyu, Mahoyo) Although part of me suspects I might just go start something else soon.. I need to be more disciplined.
Game-wise, I’ve been struggling with what to pick up. For a while I was replaying Lies of P on Steam (which I also got on sale in preparation for DLC someday) and that was a nice distraction from having to really think about what I wanted to invest in. However now I’ve done nearly everything there is to do, and I’m going to have to make a choice
Choice 1: Replay The Legend of Heroes Trails in the Sky FC and SC
Currently I own almost every trails game released up until Zero I think? The reason for that is that I kept hearing buzz about how great the series was, and I would buy them for the future prospect of playing them.
At one point I started playing FC and I managed to get all the way through it and SC. My feelings at the time were mixed. I didn’t think it was a bad game, but I had trouble understanding what was so “peak” about it that I would see so many JRPG fanatics singing its praises. I just didn’t get it.
I tried to start the third sky game, but I quickly got sidetracked. Then several years passed.
I still want to know what’s up with this series. Being a huge JRPG fan (though admittedly getting tired of some RPG gameplay) I really didn’t want to feel left out. Thus the idea of replaying FC and SC to try again has entered the arena that is my mind.
I don’t remember much of what happened my first time apart from one major plot point that split the two games. It’s not just a matter of how much time passed. When I initially played through it and felt “eh” I had trouble really putting what I found off into words. Thus there’s a pretty good chance I’ll be able to experience most things without the dreaded “Oh I remember this.. great now I got to rehash it”
I also found out there’s a voice patch from the PSVita version. I’m pretty sure I didn’t play with it the first time through, and voices always elevate the experience for me (Mostly Japanese voices)
The one thing holding me back, and it’s fairly big, is I really don’t like the gameplay. My first time through I didn’t like it either and ended up cheating to see the story. This time I’d probably also end up cheating too.
I don’t really care if people look down on me for it (ie: the weirdos who think cheating makes you a casual or whatever), but I am worried that by trivializing gameplay that I might find it harder to get invested. I worry I might end up at the same place I ended last time.
I also worry that I might have to force myself a bit to get myself to get through this and that it might color my feelings a bit too much. I’d hate to really fumble things a second time, because I feel like if it didn’t take, there’d be no third chance for this series.
Choice 2: Replay an old classic JRPG in Japanese
I’ve been thinking about doing this ever since I found a really cool OCR program that would allow me to hook games I emulate. Since a lot of my favorite early JRPGs have terrible translations (Breath of Fire II, Lufia 2, Wild Arms 2) or have highly localized translations (things like Lunar) I was thinking that I’d like to experience them in the original language.
The pros of this is I’d be both practicing more of my Japanese and I’d probably be more willing to engage with the gameplay (being games I loved playing) The cons are that even while terribly translated, I more or less still know the games. Which while a comfort, is also kind of a disappointment.
Plus not to mention if I pick this option, it doesn’t really solve the overall problem of what to play. I’d still have to go through this indecision hell going over a 10+ long list of old JRPGs I loved.
Though Konami could make up my mind right now if they fucking dropped their Suikoden 1 and 2 remaster -_-
Choice 3: Some Switch JRPG
Right now on Switch I have Unicorn Overlord, Triangle Strategy, Paper Mario Thousand Year, Raincode, Another Code, Famicom Detective Club… Basically a shit ton of games I’ve never played. Honestly the choices are overwhelming, which is probably the main reason I haven’t just gone with this.
Choice 4:Fuck gaming
There was something else I had been thinking about and that is just focusing on other areas of media. Give visual novels, reading, or anime a bigger cut of time so that I could actually get through some stuff a bit quicker.
The benefit is obvious. The downside is whether it might wear on me a bit too much doing one of those things for longer than I do.
Meh, you know what. I’ll just do it all. It’s likely to be messy, but if I invest ample time into each something should come out on top as the thing I want to do. When that happens I can just focus on that for a while.
I feel disingenuous. I say I’m going to leave social media, and within no time at all I’m back to using it. I guess I should stop making such claims. Even if they make me feel good in the moment, I should exercise more control and discipline. In more areas than one, if I’m being honest.
BUT lets not dwell on that too much.
Let’s see what’s new this week? It was Anime-Expo last week. I’m a little sad I wasn’t able to go. Not that I had any specific plans for it, I just like the idea of a large convention in theory. Given previous accounts of AX, I always felt a sense of a relief for not going (particularly with how badly they managed crowds) but I heard this AX was actually decent for that.
Though a lot of the desire, I’ll admit, stems more from wanting to be a part of the people I see go there more than the event itself. I see a lot of attractive/influential people posting about their experiences and part of my brain goes “I wish I was part of that group” I know if I just went by myself it would be a mostly average time as I speak to no one and spend way too much money in the exhibition hall. That’s been my pattern of behavior in past anime conventions when I’ve gone by myself after all.
Apart from that, it was also the week of the 4th. Not much going on there apart from the usual “stay indoors and away from fireworks” Not that I don’t enjoy fireworks visually, but I’ve never been a huge fan of the noise or the smell of smoke in the air. I’d also probably enjoy it more if I had people to really spend it with, but nah
BUT again lets not dwell on any of that. God it seems like I can’t help just settling into that melancholy mindset today. I blame a lot of the shit that’s going on in US politics right now.
We got a new fridge in our house. I was super excited to finally get a working ice maker (rather than having to use the trays) but it seems that it leaks for some reason (pretty badly too)
Next week I go to see a neurologist. Fingers crossed that he can shed some light on my medical situation or get the ball rolling more than my primary care doctor (who has been mostly unhelpful)
Media-wise, I’ve been playing Lies of P without using summons on bosses. The first time in souls-like or even souls games that I’ve ever not used the summons. No I don’t really care about the people who say summons are cheating, Lies of P is just the only game where I’ve felt like “Yeah I can get behind some additional challenge”
I’m almost through Mushoku Tensei volume 8. It’s going well.
Bleh, I’m just not up to it today. Going to just write it off as shit and do something else. Sorry folks
After yesterday’s post, I spiraled a bit. If you can’t figure out what that means, basically I found myself engaging in repetitive unproductive behaviors that brought my mood way down. It sucked. I think I only got one thing accomplished.
Today was looking to be much the same, but I guess I reached the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I just forced myself to deactivate all of it, and now I’m convincing myself that there’s no value in it. It’s just an endless stream of shit an algorithm spits at you for engagement. It’s all feces people shit out for engagement. None of it’s good for accomplishing anything.
I want friends, but meeting them via places like Twitter and Reddit doesn’t work. Rather it gets me engaged in a lot of stuff that ultimately doesn’t matter. What’s the point arguing with other souls fans about why a pause button wouldn’t ruin the game series or about the merits of media they have no intention of approaching with an open mind? Even when you engage in more positive focused things, it’s not like someone is going to follow you or make you their buddy. No matter how much you might engage with them. At best you might get a like to your reply, but there’s never any kind of “Hey I recognize you from the other posts you commented on”
I’ve known for a long time that I’d have to change my approach. The reason I haven’t until now is because it’s easy. It’s minimal investment. It’s literally like a slot machine. You put in a small investment hoping for a big payout, and before you know it, you’ve invested a lot for almost no return (Or you hit jackpot I guess, but then you still keep playing)
In any event, it’s time we get things back on track here. I’ve got a lot of stuff I want to do, and I’m not getting any younger. Either I work hard and change something or I fall into greater misery. It’s not a hard choice, even if it’s a difficult thing to put into action.
First step is to stop talking and start walking. I’ll see you for the regularly scheduled post next week with what happens next.
Almost forgot my weekly post this week. To be honest, I think I’ve been getting caught up too much with shit that shouldn’t matter again. Reintroducing myself to social media obviously was the main mistake, and I’m ” this close to just deactivating it all again. The thing stopping me? As always it’s the overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation
I like feeling like I’m part of something. Sadly, it feels like even when I’m engaged with social media, it’s a struggle to feel connected to anything. People will either ignore you or at best you’ll get a like that stimulates the dopamine for a few seconds. It’s hard to form genuine bonds. Mostly because everyone already has that or it isn’t as important to them.
Sometimes, too, I think, there’s a lot of hesitation on my part when it comes to people to engage with. Of course, the immediately cool people aren’t really in need of you. Though the real problem is that even when you engage with the areas you’re interested in, it’s hard to find people whose values align with your own.
Take my interests in Japanese media. At one point in my life, I was naive enough to believe that most people into the things I was would be a lot like me. When I got older, reality taught me that people can be quite different (including myself) Just because they shared an interest didn’t make them my people.
For example, the amount of people into anime who voted for Trump or lack sensitivity. The amount of people into VNs that are pure degenerates or are completely against any degeneracy. I know probably not all people of those groups are ones sitting on the extremes, but they’re the ones that tend to float to the top. Which makes it harder to sort through to the people with more reasonable takes
Though even when I’m not dealing with extremes (like when I’m in a Discord chat) I still seem to run into people that sort of give off this incompatible aura. That could just be me being too judgmental. I do try to find a wavelength that I can approach people on, but it’s difficult… Most of the time, I try playing to crowds online out of hope someone will approach me, but obviously that’s not really happening.
This weekend is Anime-Expo, and I wish I was there. Not for any specific reason. It’s just always been my dream to go to a big anime convention and do a whole lot of stuff revolving around my enjoyment of my hobbies. This despite the fact that I’ve been to several conventions before (including expo) and that nothing close to my dream has ever happened to me.
However, that’s also my fault. One because I convince myself others are having as much fun as they say they are (afterall if I’m not having fun, someone’s gotta be right?) Two because I don’t push myself outside my comfort zones enough. If I could not do as much of either, I might actually enjoy an anime convention a lot.
Obviously, money-wise there’s no way I could have attended this year, and I do not feel bad about not having to deal with massive crowds of people. Though I would still like to get out to a convention again somewhere away from home. If I can find someone that would be willing to share that with me that is.
Speaking of money, I’ve mostly been doing pretty good at not spending much. Steam sales have caused me to deep a bit, although most of that money is credit I already have on my Steam account from buying my PS5 (Trying hard not to use it all up but it’s tempting) Though my monthly check this month is pretty much entirely going towards paying off special financing from the past (which sucks)
Right now, I’ve bought Lies of P, Until Then, and Sleeping Dogs. Lies of P because I loved the game on game pass and figured I should own it before the DLC (Also wouldn’t mind replaying it again) Until Then because I really liked the look of it. Sleeping Dogs because it was only like 2.00 (on Greenmangaming) and I’ve seen people compare it to GTA (I’ve been hungry for something GTA/Saints Row like for a long while)
I’ve been considering also picking up Chrono Ark and some English VNs. My hesitance comes from not wanting to eat up all my Steam credit and the fact that I probably wont play everything I buy too soon. Even if I plan to start making a concentrated effort on my backlog (I’m currently juggling multiple things) We’ll see. Still have some time to think before the summer sale ends.
Media
I finished reading volume 6 of 26 of Mushoku Tensei. This covers the anime’s first season. My brief thoughts: The anime did a pretty good adaptation. Although they left out one somewhat major plot element that I’ve yet to see (even in season 2) Wondering if that’s something they’re just going to write out or what?
I still really enjoy the series though. Can’t wait to get through the next set of 6 so I can get to the stuff the anime has yet to adapt. Hoping I can get through 7 and 8 this week.
In Japanese, I’ve started reading the visual novel Kanon. Kanon is one of Key’s earliest works (the same developer who made Clannad, Little Busters, and Summer Pockets) Mostly been reading this one because it’s actually really easy to read without looking much up at all. It’s a huge confidence boost in comparison to some of the harder stuff I was trying to read (Sakura Moyu and I also tried to read Nukitashi)
(Speaking of Summer Pockets, I’m super excited for the anime they announced for it next year)
I’ve been trying to play both Shin Megami Tensei V Vengeance and Trails in the Sky part 1. It’s been slow going for both, mostly because they’re both essentially retreading stuff I’ve seen already. I’m also very much not really digging turn based RPGs lately. So much so that I’ve been thinking of just using cheat engine to speed through the content.
I’m reluctant to do so for a couple reasons. First I’m worried that going through it too fast will make me not appreciate the content as much (Something that I think is a real problem people experience when they try to rush an anime or VN) Second because, well I bought the games, and in SMT’s case, I bought them fairly recently. I don’t want it to feel like a waste.
Yet its hard. There’s way too much I want to do and not enough time. If I didn’t play through them now cheating, I might never play them. At that point, would it really be a bad thing to just cheat so I could experience them? That’s my inner turmoil in a nutshell.
I also started reading Mahoyo last night. Initially, I was going to read part one of the Tsukihime remake that just came out, but after meeting Aoko (Mahoyo’s MC) and remembering Mahoyo had been translated, I thought “Well fuck maybe I should wait on Tsuki:re until I finish that” So now that’s a thing on the docket
Anime-wise I’ve watched a bit more Zeta Gundam and finished Mushoku season 2. Going to kick that up soon. I feel like I’m losing track of what the fuck was going on in .hack//sign when I was watching that. Also I want something to actually happen in Zeta, so I’m going to have to sit down and watch.. Oh and there was 86 too that I was supposed to be watching when I worked out…
Which I actually haven’t been doing recently. I think I’ll go do that now and end the post here..
I wasn’t feeling the greatest last week. I don’t remember exactly what set me off, but it’s probably better off I don’t try to or it might put me in a funk again. I am a bit disappointed that I never ended up making an addendum post though.
I’m feeling much better this week though. I’ll just have to write a bit extra to make up for it.
I’ve been feeling a bit of the writing bug as of late. I often get this way when I’ve been reading a good book or experiencing a good story. That’s certainly been the case reading the Mushoku Tensei light novels (just finished the 5th of 26th last night) I’ll talk about those a bit later, but the more pressing question now is am I going to do anything about this bug.
I’m of two opinions about this. Of course, I’d like to take advantage of this spur of creativity, but the issue is I have two old ideas that have been rattling around in my head for years that I’d like to do something with. One is an idea for a light novel series and one is an idea for a game I’d like to make.
It might seem obvious to go with the light novel idea since that’s what initially gave me inspiration. Though I feel some hesitation because I’ve also been wanting to try some game development as of late after seeing a lot of Youtube shorts of Pirate software over the past couple months (if you haven’t heard of them, I recommend checking their shorts. Pretty inspirational stuff)
One of my life’s dreams is to create a story in some kind of medium that people can enjoy. I actually dabbled in both writing and game creation when I was young because of it. While I got some praise for my ability (praise that might have gone to my head back then), I never took it beyond an amateurish level. Instead I got lazy and let the skills rust.
In the past I’ve often been worried about what it would take to fix up those skills or whether I could ever recapture that talent. I realize that’s the wrong mindset though. My skills definitely need polishing again, true, but like learning Japanese, it’s a lifelong process. It’s not about a destination. It’s not about being too far or never being able to catch up. You just keep learning and moving forward. Doubting oneself is never going to help.
Though talk is cheap. I can say these things, but I need to actually start doing. In which case, I’m going to stop talking about it and start doing.
Here’s what is going to happen. I’m going to start work on both this week. I wont commit to anything major, it might even only be an hour for each, but I promise to do something. Next week I will try to do the same amount or more, and I’ll do that until eventually something is done.
I can’t promise I’ll have much to show here (at least at first), but I will try to mention what I am doing each week. Just like I do with everything else.
Japanese
I’m not sure how much I mentioned it before, but I’d been working on an Anki deck based on Wanikani’s content. In the past, I had reached level 60 on Wanikani, although I was going through the content again from level 0 as I wasn’t confident in my retention of it all. The problem is that Wanikani’s review system only lets you level at a certain rate (I’m level 33 now after restarting) and I needed something a bit faster, thus the Anki deck.
I just finished the deck. What that means is that I’ve learned all the words from the deck, and from here it’s mostly about reviewing to solidify what I’ve learned. Right now, the system gives me about 500 cards (words) to review a day, but once it gets down to double digits I’ll think about starting a different vocabulary deck
If you don’t understand that, don’t worry about it. It just means I’m keeping consistent and that I’m looking to add more to it when it gets a little less overwhelming.
I haven’t been playing much of VNs in Japanese. I was trying to read Sakura Moyu again, but it’s just not been grabbing me. Instead I find myself wanting to try Rewrite again or the newly rereleased Kanon (I even did a couple test runs on both) Maybe I will switch over or maybe I’ll pick up something completely different (would kind of like to read something I haven’t read before)
Anime
I haven’t been watching a whole lot of anime. Though I still try to watch at least an episode or two before bed.
No real progress on 86 or .hack. Still intending to finish both, but I’ve got too much other stuff that’s been eating my time.
I’ve been primarily focused on Gundam Zeta and Mushoku Tensei. Mushoku Tensei I initially wasn’t going to watch S2 in favor of reading the light novels, but unfortunately the internet started spoiling me on stuff that was happening. Thus I had to quickly (over a few days) catch up to the recently airing episode.
I will say that right now in the light novel (after book 5) I’m almost done with seasons 1 content. While mostly a retread of what I know, there are a few things the anime fails to cover. Also, I think I like it more. Maybe it’s because the source material is always best or that I’m just naturally fond of reading. I don’t know.
It looks like each season covers about 6 books worth of content. Meaning I wont catch up with where I am in the anime until book 12. Though it also means that there’s going to need to be at least 2 more seasons of the anime before it finishes.. Which means it’s going to be hard to recommend friends see it.
Though I want to emphasize, it’s really good. I know some of my friends are sick of isekai, and I can empathize (despite mostly enjoying it) But this one resonates with me a lot. Mostly because while the protagonist has a lot of bad qualities, he’s trying harder to do more with his life and be a better person. Which I think is something that is lacking from a lot of stories (Most of the time you get a protagonist that has strong morals/sense of justice or is super thickheaded)
Gundam Zeta is weird. The characters don’t feel as well written as the original. A lot of the time they’ll do or say random things out of nowhere. Kamille says in one episode that he’s autistic (not sure if that was an accurate translation) which might explain some of his randomness (while other things might be explained by his new type thing) However that’s kind of being generous, and it doesn’t explain the other 99% of the cast.
It’s not bad. I’m obviously still watching it. However, I’m kind of missing the first series. While it wasn’t perfect with issues like this, things felt a lot tighter?
I’ve also had an urge to watch Record of Lodoss War recently. Though I’m going to try not to start it before I at least work through some of the backlog more. Though between reading Mushoku Tensei, game playing, Japanese, and now the projects I’m starting.. It’s going to be a challenge!
Games
After finishing Eiyuden, I thought about starting my replay of the Trails in the Sky series. I even went through the effort to figure out if there was a way to play it in Japanese (there is but no way to do it with voices unless you do the vita version) I tried to play a bit, but something wasn’t clicking.
I think I still don’t really care for it’s gameplay. I’m contemplating cheating again (like I did my first time) but I’m worried that might not get me as invested (A problem that I ran into my first time trying to play it) Not sure what I’ll end up doing, but I DO want to play through it considering I have all the game and the Cold Steel series (as well as one of the ones that comes after that) I’m tried of hearing people praise the hell out of it and feeling like I’m missing something.
It’s kind of how I feel about FF14. Though it being an online game, and one you have to pay for, it’s a lot harder for me to indulge in my curiosity for it (much as I have tried to get into it before) If I had some friends to play with, maybe things would be different. Though as it is most people I know who play it already have established characters and it’s a lot harder to really do much with them.
Anyway, apologies for the slight digression there, the main reason for not getting into trails however has more to do with the Elden Ring DLC coming out. As you can imagine, as someone who both attained 100% steam achievements and platinumed the game, I was at least interested in checking it out.
As to how it is, I’m afraid that I can’t really sing many praises for it. Partly because playing Elden Ring at this point feels more like a routine rather than something I do because I enjoy it (just because I think I played it too much in the early days) Partly because the DLC doesn’t really do anything different, it’s just more of Elden Ring.
Which might seem like a good thing at first, but it’s actually making the flaws a lot more apparent. Namely the story and quests being hard to follow because of the open world nature (and sticking to that Dark Souls way of never telling the player anything they don’t seek out) That paired with the way some bosses are tuned to be more bullshit than before… It’s just not very enjoyable
I keep thinking I should probably stop and do something else, but then I’ll load up Elden Ring and play it until bed time. It’s a complicated relationship I guess. I’ll probably still try to beat it before I start anything else, though I hope I can either start enjoying it or finish it quickly and be done with it.
That’s all I got for today. Been writing for a couple hours now and I still need to finish my Japanese reviews on Anki. I also got some projects I need to start laying the foundation for.
To be completely vulnerable for a moment, I’m always concerned I might not be accepted for who I really am. While I try to tell myself that’s not true (by remembering certain family and friends), it’s never quite convincing enough to shake the insecurity. Past trauma along with insecurities I’ve developed over the years has made it difficult to ignore.
I know, logically, I need to stop that behavior, but ironically it takes a lot to not give a fuck about something. Though maybe the key is rather than not giving a fuck about these things, I need to give more of a fuck about not giving a fuck. Maybe I need to actually practice being overconfident where I’m not. Maybe I need to fake it more until I make it.
I’m honestly not really feeling up to writing much right now for this week’s entry. I might do an addendum post later this week, but today I’m feeling kind of like I need to make myself do something else to avoid the pit of frustration/depression I find myself wallowing in at the moment.
I did the bad and reactivated my Twitter. Did I have a good reason for it? No. I could make up a couple justifications for it: I was feeling lonely (which I probably was), I need to it to keep up with news relevant to my hobbies, I need to see certain accounts recent tweets for stuff I’m working on (something that’s been the case a couple times) In the end though, all of it is just making excuses for weak will.
If it gets to the point where I feel like it’s taking too much of my time, I do have the confidence that I can deactivate again. I only have two followers (one of which I’m not even sure reads my Twitter posts) Not a huge deal. I can also just install social media blocking plugins again.
I’ve been thinking though. I would like some more online friends. While I know they’re no substitute for real life relationships, not having a huge amount of freedom to move right now really limits my capabilities for making real life connections. Rather than sitting here feeling like I can’t do anything, I’d rather be doing something.
I used to have a very strong online life before I finally was able to settle into college. While I don’t necessarily regret prioritizing my real life, I do sometimes regret the ways I parted with some of my online connections (mostly just disappearing and never reaching out) I’ve thought about rekindling those relationships, but I’ve accepted that even if I knew how to contact some people again, it probably wouldn’t lead to what I’m hoping for.
While I still have a few online friends I do keep in contact with, the prospect of making new ones is a bit hard as there’s no venues I’m comfortable with anymore. Gone are the days of web forums, irc chatrooms, and weird niche community sites. Today people meet via Discord and social media. While from a distance it might not seem that different (IRC and Discord are pretty similar for example) it’s an entirely different ballgame for me. Call me a boomer I guess.
If I was living somewhere with a better net connection, I might consider doing streaming again. From both actual streamers and from one of my online friends who streams, I’ve seen that it can work, and I think that I could actually have fun with it (or at least I have some real ideas for it) Unfortunately it’s not an avenue I can pursue right now.
Though I can’t do anything live, I’ve considered doing Youtube as an alternative. It’s not the first time I’ve considered or even tried it, but in the past I’ve always backed out from being uncomfortable. Now I feel more like I can push past the uncomfortableness to maybe put out some content.
Granted it wouldn’t be the kind of content you’d expect someone trying to be a Youtuber would make. Instead, I’d make content talking about myself and the things I love. Kind of like what I used to/try to do with my blog. Except that it’d hopefully be way more approachable than a wall of text for the average internet user.
The only thing holding back is my unfamiliarity with video software. I’m not really looking to learn to be a full-time Youtuber, but I do know that you have to have some skills to get people to look and sit through your videos. Much as I’d like to keep it just audio recordings of me, I don’t think that’s going to cut it. I’m going to have to add images/video and maybe even show myself (insecurities >_<)
That all being said, I guess I just have to push myself. Nothing ever gets done hemming and hawing about it. The worst thing that can happen is I try and fail, but even then at least I’ll find out that it’s not for me, and that might be worth it on its own over it eternally being a what if.
I’ll keep you posted on what I do when I do it.
Studying Japanese has been fairly consistent, although due to the sheer number of Anki reviews, I’ve found that I haven’t really been able to take much time to read VNs or start any games in Japanese. I guess I could make the time if I tried a bit harder, but I’m hoping that soon I’ll get through this deck (I have 3000 unseen cards going at a rate of about 400ish new ones each day) and the reviews will be down to more manageable levels.
I’m not sure if this extensive focus on vocabulary is any more effective as using that same time just immersing. Part of me says it will be and part of me thinks it’s not. I know whichever I do it wont be a waste, but finding where I need to work on in my Japanese is rough. Especially when I’ve come all this way by myself.
I have considered talking to natives, or even other Japanese learners, but I lack confidence on producing Japanese in a real-time conversation. Though again, it’s probably just something I need to get over and push myself into doing.
Been working out a bit more. Not sure if it’s having a positive effect or not. One issue is that I can’t seem to gain much bulk to build into weight. I think I need more fat in my diet, but then there’s a bunch of things I shouldn’t touch (mainly chocolate) because of my GERD. It’s kind of a nuisance. I wish I could just get rid of that.
In regards to media
I finished watching the Gundam 0079 series (the first Gundam) In the past I had watched the three compilation movies in order to watch the sequel series, Zeta Gundam, with some friends. However, due to getting a girlfriend at the time, I never really took to Zeta Gundam (neither did my friends, although I think it was for other reasons) Later I would try to rewatch Zeta Gundam in an attempt to watch “all of Gundam” and while I would get through it and ZZ (double Zeta) I eventually stopped at Victory Gundam.
I don’t hold any grandiose ideas that I’m going to watch the entire Gundam franchise anymore. However, I decided I would still like to try. Although as it had been a while, I decided I could use a a rewatch of everything from the start. A lofty undertaking, but if I couldn’t do it then I probably wasn’t going to be able to do all of Gundam.
I went with the original series over the compilation movies because I remembered not remembering anything from those movies after a short while. I thought maybe the series could do a better job at getting me invested into the universe. Lo and behold, I was right.
The original series isn’t bad. I would even say it’s quite good. I think all the people recommending the compilation movies as a fast track at getting into Gundam are probably ignoring how it takes time for a lot of the characters/events to grow on you. They’re also probably not thinking about how if you’re looking to get into it fast, Gundam probably isn’t the series for you (given the sheer amount of content out there)
It’s also an interesting thing to watch for people who are interested in Japan animation in general. Given the amount of influence it had, I think there’s something to appreciate from that end.
I did start my rewatch of Zeta, although there’s not much to say as I’m only an episode in.
I’m still watching .hack//sign and 86 (yes I’m sticking with it) Progress on both has been slower due to prioritizing 0079, Mushoku Tensei light novel, and a new anime Goodnight World.
I heard about this anime via my alma matter’s anime club discord. A couple people were talking about it being really good Netflix series, and me being a sucker for good Netflix anime, I decided to check it out.
I want to say I was LOVING it up until episode 6, but when episode 6 hit I became conflicted. It looked very much like the show was going to be about one thing (which I was totally down for) and then it ended up being something completely different (which I haven’t made up my mind on) I really wish I could go into what I mean, but it would probably spoil the series.
Game-wise, I’m still playing Elden Ring to prepare for the DLC. Not enjoying it very much. I think both because I overplayed it when it released (I platinumed it on PS5 and got all steam achievements) and I’ve been used to Lies of P combat (which is much quicker paced and relies on parrying) I just find myself feeling sluggish and getting hit by everything.
If I hadn’t already bought the DLC (albeit at a deal) I might be tempted to uninstall and give up on it. That’s how bad it is.
I’ve been considering looking at Paper Mario The Thousand Year Door on the Switch. I’ve also been considering giving Trails in the Sky another shot and Unicorn Overlord. Honestly, no shortage of games. Just not enough time to play them or to even sit down and figure out what I’m interested in playing x_x
I should probably wrap this post up soon and get back to reviewing my Japanese. I get to see my best friends this weekend, and I’m super hype for that.
The mosquitos here are terrible. I kill about 20 a day, and I’ve been killing them for the past week+. I had bought an electric swatter off Amazon, although that can only do so much. I’m hoping that we’ll be over the worst of it soon. Not fond of getting eaten alive night and day.
Japanese has been my prime focus this week. Let me walk you through what I typically do for it.
First thing I do is Wanikani reviews. The way Wanikani works is that every level you learn a certain number of radicals (the parts that make up the kanji), kanji, and vocab. When you manage to successfully recall enough of the radicals and kanji enough times (usually takes around a week of reviews) you get enough to unlock a new level.
Previously I had gotten to the max level (level 60) at least once, but I didn’t feel confident about my retainment of the information. Thus last year I reset myself at level one to start the journey again. Right now I’m currently about half-way through (level 30) and should level up later today.
That’s not all though. Next I open up Anki, which is an electronic flashcard app that schedules things based on your ability to recall them. In Anki I have an unofficial Wanikani deck that I’ve been using to study things ahead (because the rate of unlocking new stuff on Wanikani is slow) Through that, I’ve been doing 400 new items a day (radicals, kanji, vocab) and my reviews daily is between 800 and 1000 items.
Usually it takes me from when I get up to about 2-3 in the afternoon. Then I tend to load up whatever Japanese VN I’m reading to try and get through some of that. Most recently I finished a pretty bad one named Korehano (it was a mess) and I’ve started up one I had already started previously called Sakura Moyu.
The amount I read varies, but I’d say I’ve been averaging at least 500 lines. I’d usually do this until 5-6 in the evening assuming there aren’t any distractions.
I’m actually looking to do more, if you can believe it. It’s hard to put into words, but you know when Goku turned Super Saiyan for the first time? I feel like I’m on the cusp of reaching that kind of plateau as of late, and I’m looking for whatever training that finally lets me reach it.
I could be wrong and maybe I’m being a little impatient. I really want to reach a level where I can more naturally just pick up Japanese and not have to worry about looking up much. Some days I feel incredibly close to that, while others I feel like it’s more far off than ever. It’s quite the inner turmoil.
Though speaking of feeling close to it, I had an experience last night that made me feel like that. I decided to turn on the anime channel on Pluto TV (basically free internet TV) for shits and giggles. They were playing Inuyasha, although for the first time it was the Japanese version rather than the English dub version. I noticed that not only was I recognizing what was said more often, but that I was also able to read the Japanese subtitles of the ending song (which is still a banger by the way)
It’s little moments like that happening more and more frequently that make me feel like I’m about to reach a new level. Of course, I don’t expect it to be the final one for fluency, and I entirely expect another huge mountain to climb once I’m over this bump. However, that doesn’t make me want it any less.
One thing I’d like to do in Japanese actually is read some light novels. Initially I wanted to do both light novels and manga, but after getting annoyed with font-sizes in manga, I decided mostly to stick with light novels. The big issue is that I don’t have a handy tool to look up things like I do with visual novels (at least not if I want to read them away from my PC) Thus I find myself struggling a lot more than I’d like (I remember trying to read Re:Zero and spending like half an hour on the first couple pages)
I’d also like to start a game in Japanese. This should theoretically be pretty simple now that I’ve got a subscription to an OCR (onscreen character recognition) program, the issue here is finding the time for it. You might think it’s because of the stuff I just mentioned, but actually I’m doing a lot of other non Japanese stuff that takes time too.
Like speaking of light novels, I’ve actually started to read the light novel for Mushoku Tensei. I actually bought the entire series (don’t worry, I can handle it) I was surprised at how beefy these novels were despite being referred to as “light novels” While you could still very much read one a day, I would argue that they’re pretty substantial.
It’s hard to overstate my love of this series. I previously had only watched the first 12 or so episodes of the first season a couple years ago, and while I enjoyed them, it didn’t hook me enough to immediately pick it up again when it came back with the second half of season one. Upon rewatching those initial 12 plus the second half of the season, however, it consumed my entire being.
It’s not just that the second half of season 1 is crazy good, but I had honestly forgotten how good the first half was. I guess I must have just gotten tired of waiting for the second half and forgot. Either way, despite there being another part season (season 2 part 1) and a currently airing season (season 2 part 2), I find myself wanting to read the light novel before I watch them (that way I don’t ever let this series fly under my radar again)
Other stuff I’m watching/impressions:
Fallout: Finished watching Amazon’s fallout. I definitely enjoyed it, but I also am kind of annoyed at having to wait for a new season. Reminds me of why I’m reluctant to watch things like The Boys, Invincible season 2, the Mandolorian etc. I just don’t want to be in another situation like I am still waiting for the last part of Stranger Things (which I’ll say has fallen off, but I still want to see it end)
Gundam 079: I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but I actually regret watching the compilation movies for this back when. I feel like while it may give a good overview, the fact that I remember practically nothing about them all these years later show how poor compilation movies are at actually investing you in a series.
While I’m no Gundam afficionado, I do think if people have a desire to get into it, that the original series is the way to probably start. You might be tempted by the movies as it’s quicker, but I feel like if time is a concern, Gundam probably isn’t the best thing to get into (given how many series run for 50 episodes)
.hack//sign: This one is a blast from the past. No joke, I somehow forgot this series existed until I heard a streamer friend of mine talking about his love of .hack on stream. Upon hearing that, it reminded me that I had never properly seen the series and I decided right then and there to try and get into .hack stuff.
It very much makes me think Sword Art Online met Serial Experiments Lain. Okay maybe not that fucked up, but it’s quite a different series. I’m amazed people even watched it on Cartoon Network for how much talking and general seriousness there is in it.
I’m also watching it in Japanese for the first time. While I do have a lot of nostalgia for the dub, I’m a bit concerned about potentially missing important stuff.
It’s thus far been pretty good
86: I think I might have mentioned this before, but I haven’t made huge progress on this series. The premise is there’s this utopian society of racist white haired people that are fighting a war with “unmanned drones” except the drones are people. The main character is one of the white haired people who serves as a remote commander to one of these forces. The thing is she claims to see the people fighting as real people
The big issue is that in the three episodes I watched, the main character is far away from the rest of the cast. While it makes sense in the setting they have, I’m having trouble feeling interested in the “naive girl gets a dose of reality” dynamic they’re pushing thus far. I don’t know, I still hear good things about it and want to see it, but I’m having trouble wanting to load up an episode..
With video games, I’ve started a new game in order to prepare for the Elden Ring DLC. My only other save is a new game ++, and I’ll be fucked if I’m going to start the DLC on the higher difficulty. Thus far, I’ve made a character named Eris (after Mushoku Tensei, although she only bears a 10% resemblance) and beat Margot (I started as a wretch, so a lot of the game has been spent getting me to non-wretch status thus far)
I guess the DLC requirements are to beat Mohg and Radahn. Thus I’ve got plenty of time. Which is good considering how much I’ve forgotten about how to play the game (seems like every other time I’ve used an estus flask when I meant to call torrent)
Summer games fest comes up this weekend. I wonder if I’ll see anything interesting. Though only having a PC and a hacked switch, there might not be much to really look forward to for me. We’ll see though
That’s about all I got for this week. I got to get back to these reviews I’m doing
Lately, I’ve been focusing a lot more on my Japanese. I actually spent most of this past week, including memorial day, going through an Anki deck based on Wanikani. Ended up putting at least 5-8 hours every day in reviews, to where I can somewhat confidently say I know half of Wanikani’s content fairly well. I’m hoping by the end of June to know all of it (perhaps even earlier if I push myself)
Once I work through Wanikani’s words content, I plan on switching over to the core deck again. I’m hoping I can get an Anki extension working to take out all the stuff I know from Wanikani. Though if that doesn’t work, I might just suspend cards I know until I find newer stuff.
I also want to start practicing handwriting the kanji characters. My logic is that it will help better at recognizing the individual radicals in each character. Though I’ll admit that there’s a part of me that wants to do it just because it would feel cool to have a notebook filled with kanji I can show people and be like “Look at the Japanese I studied”
I’m still trying to decide if I should focus on reading a VN, play a game, or read a light novel to work on my immersion. Part of me wants to do all three, but there’s obviously time constraints along with what I can focus on. Hopefully after this post I’ll have something figure out.
In regards to my mission to stay away from social media, it’s been about the same as week 3. I find myself watching some more YT or browsing more Reddit than I probably should. I even ended up making the mistake of engaging on YT. Not good, but also not that bad either considering I’m still accomplishing things.
Ditto to my mission not to buy things. I haven’t been doing a great job with that. While not entirely frivolous, it still feels like I’m out of control anytime I need to load up Amazon for something. That is, when I order one thing I start thinking about all the other things I could use and that often gets me ordering stuff I might not need right away.
Like last night I was on to buy a lighting solution for my room (basically needed something that wasn’t as bulky and in the way as my floor lamp to keep the room lit) Which got me buying supplements for my stomach and then buying a new monitor to replace the one that broke (My current ones are okay, although I’ve been having one of them glitch out somewhat often)
It’s better than a ton of anime crap that I just pile up in my room, but it still feels like I lack control. Going to have to watch myself a bit. Though speaking of anime crap, I also bought more of that too. I ended up buying some Tales of Symphonia plushies because I saw they were finally making plushies of Sheena and Raine (my two waifus from that game) I also ordered Collette and Presea… Yeesh. Yeah, I need to stay away from sites that I know will probably tempt me
I do want to acknowledge that I have made efforts though. I’ve been taking better care of myself than I have in years and I’m working on trying to improve myself through my Japanese efforts. I’ve been acquiring various life skills along the way as well. I just have to remember not to get complacent and keep working on things.
Far as other matters go, I beat Eiyuden Chronicles. If you want my impressions please see the previous post. Not sure what I’ll play next, but it might Elden Ring in order to prepare for the upcoming DLC that’s coming out next month.
Anime I’m still chugging through Gundam 079 and Mushoku Tensei season 1 part 2. I have to say Mushoku has really caught my interest now that I’m finally watching episodes I haven’t seen before. I think it has potential to be my favorite isekai and maybe even one of my favorite anime series. Gundam is not bad, although I’m starting to get annoyed by the next episode previews spoiling stuff (I’ll probably stop watching those)
I’ve also been watching 86 whenever I use my exercise bike. Not much to really say about it. I’m not even sure if I like it.
