Almost forgot my weekly post this week. To be honest, I think I’ve been getting caught up too much with shit that shouldn’t matter again. Reintroducing myself to social media obviously was the main mistake, and I’m ” this close to just deactivating it all again. The thing stopping me? As always it’s the overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation

I like feeling like I’m part of something. Sadly, it feels like even when I’m engaged with social media, it’s a struggle to feel connected to anything. People will either ignore you or at best you’ll get a like that stimulates the dopamine for a few seconds. It’s hard to form genuine bonds. Mostly because everyone already has that or it isn’t as important to them.

Sometimes, too, I think, there’s a lot of hesitation on my part when it comes to people to engage with. Of course, the immediately cool people aren’t really in need of you. Though the real problem is that even when you engage with the areas you’re interested in, it’s hard to find people whose values align with your own.

Take my interests in Japanese media. At one point in my life, I was naive enough to believe that most people into the things I was would be a lot like me. When I got older, reality taught me that people can be quite different (including myself) Just because they shared an interest didn’t make them my people.

For example, the amount of people into anime who voted for Trump or lack sensitivity. The amount of people into VNs that are pure degenerates or are completely against any degeneracy. I know probably not all people of those groups are ones sitting on the extremes, but they’re the ones that tend to float to the top. Which makes it harder to sort through to the people with more reasonable takes

Though even when I’m not dealing with extremes (like when I’m in a Discord chat) I still seem to run into people that sort of give off this incompatible aura. That could just be me being too judgmental. I do try to find a wavelength that I can approach people on, but it’s difficult… Most of the time, I try playing to crowds online out of hope someone will approach me, but obviously that’s not really happening.

This weekend is Anime-Expo, and I wish I was there. Not for any specific reason. It’s just always been my dream to go to a big anime convention and do a whole lot of stuff revolving around my enjoyment of my hobbies. This despite the fact that I’ve been to several conventions before (including expo) and that nothing close to my dream has ever happened to me.

However, that’s also my fault. One because I convince myself others are having as much fun as they say they are (afterall if I’m not having fun, someone’s gotta be right?) Two because I don’t push myself outside my comfort zones enough. If I could not do as much of either, I might actually enjoy an anime convention a lot.

Obviously, money-wise there’s no way I could have attended this year, and I do not feel bad about not having to deal with massive crowds of people. Though I would still like to get out to a convention again somewhere away from home. If I can find someone that would be willing to share that with me that is.

Speaking of money, I’ve mostly been doing pretty good at not spending much. Steam sales have caused me to deep a bit, although most of that money is credit I already have on my Steam account from buying my PS5 (Trying hard not to use it all up but it’s tempting) Though my monthly check this month is pretty much entirely going towards paying off special financing from the past (which sucks)

Right now, I’ve bought Lies of P, Until Then, and Sleeping Dogs. Lies of P because I loved the game on game pass and figured I should own it before the DLC (Also wouldn’t mind replaying it again) Until Then because I really liked the look of it. Sleeping Dogs because it was only like 2.00 (on Greenmangaming) and I’ve seen people compare it to GTA (I’ve been hungry for something GTA/Saints Row like for a long while)

I’ve been considering also picking up Chrono Ark and some English VNs. My hesitance comes from not wanting to eat up all my Steam credit and the fact that I probably wont play everything I buy too soon. Even if I plan to start making a concentrated effort on my backlog (I’m currently juggling multiple things) We’ll see. Still have some time to think before the summer sale ends.

Media

I finished reading volume 6 of 26 of Mushoku Tensei. This covers the anime’s first season. My brief thoughts: The anime did a pretty good adaptation. Although they left out one somewhat major plot element that I’ve yet to see (even in season 2) Wondering if that’s something they’re just going to write out or what?

I still really enjoy the series though. Can’t wait to get through the next set of 6 so I can get to the stuff the anime has yet to adapt. Hoping I can get through 7 and 8 this week.

In Japanese, I’ve started reading the visual novel Kanon. Kanon is one of Key’s earliest works (the same developer who made Clannad, Little Busters, and Summer Pockets) Mostly been reading this one because it’s actually really easy to read without looking much up at all. It’s a huge confidence boost in comparison to some of the harder stuff I was trying to read (Sakura Moyu and I also tried to read Nukitashi)

(Speaking of Summer Pockets, I’m super excited for the anime they announced for it next year)

I’ve been trying to play both Shin Megami Tensei V Vengeance and Trails in the Sky part 1. It’s been slow going for both, mostly because they’re both essentially retreading stuff I’ve seen already. I’m also very much not really digging turn based RPGs lately. So much so that I’ve been thinking of just using cheat engine to speed through the content.

I’m reluctant to do so for a couple reasons. First I’m worried that going through it too fast will make me not appreciate the content as much (Something that I think is a real problem people experience when they try to rush an anime or VN) Second because, well I bought the games, and in SMT’s case, I bought them fairly recently. I don’t want it to feel like a waste.

Yet its hard. There’s way too much I want to do and not enough time. If I didn’t play through them now cheating, I might never play them. At that point, would it really be a bad thing to just cheat so I could experience them? That’s my inner turmoil in a nutshell.

I also started reading Mahoyo last night. Initially, I was going to read part one of the Tsukihime remake that just came out, but after meeting Aoko (Mahoyo’s MC) and remembering Mahoyo had been translated, I thought “Well fuck maybe I should wait on Tsuki:re until I finish that” So now that’s a thing on the docket

Anime-wise I’ve watched a bit more Zeta Gundam and finished Mushoku season 2. Going to kick that up soon. I feel like I’m losing track of what the fuck was going on in .hack//sign when I was watching that. Also I want something to actually happen in Zeta, so I’m going to have to sit down and watch.. Oh and there was 86 too that I was supposed to be watching when I worked out…

Which I actually haven’t been doing recently. I think I’ll go do that now and end the post here..